I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
