you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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