How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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