Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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