Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
