You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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