That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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