There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
