I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
She said her name was "party"
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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