I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
