i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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