I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
