I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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