Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
