My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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