I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
