During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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