woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
