My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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