Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
