can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
