Duck Duck Cougar?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
