so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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