Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
