was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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