Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
