if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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