what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Randomize
