Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
why do cheetos always look like penises
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
