Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
