It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
