You made me cry and you don't even care
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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