That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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