He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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