I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
