She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
