Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
