I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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