i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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