What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
