Rock
Scissors
Fuck
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I think I won the penis lottery.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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