I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
