nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
