how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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