between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You took a bar mat shot.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
