Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
