I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
