I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
