sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
