I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
