I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
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