Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
