I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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