You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
