My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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