Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
