If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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