Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
